Brutus approached
for a second time and sat down beside Goetz, and Goetz patted the dog on the
head, but said nothing, his mind wandering, what few memories he had drifting
past him like specters. The dog licked
his hand and whined; perhaps hoping Goetz would shed some light on the
mysteries of life, or perhaps just wanting Goetz to scratch his back.
A woman approached
the two old friends and smiled at Goetz.
Wearing tight fitting workout clothes, blue and black, pink sneakers and
a pink cap, she looked like many of the other women who had come to the park
this day, dogs in tow.
“I see you’ve found
a new friend, Cleo,” said the woman to Brutus.
Goetz wanted to
correct the woman, but could see she was absolutely convinced the dog’s name
was Cleo, a stupid name for a dog of this type, whatever that type was.
The woman looked at
Goetz, who was dressed in worn out, tope corduroys and an un-tucked, white
button down shirt with a variety of food related stains. Goetz looked right back at her, wondering if
he should say something or if she would prefer to talk to Brutus.
“Do you have a dog?”
she said to Goetz.
“Yes. His name is
Brutus,” said Goetz.
“Oh, where is he?”
“Right here.”
The woman laughed, a
laugh that struck Goetz as beautiful as beautiful could be. She gave Goetz a second look, wondering if he
was homeless, which was one hundred percent true in Goetz’s mind. Instead of saying anything about homelessness,
she said, “Do you need money or food or anything?”
Goetz thought about
this. Did he need anything? If he did, what did he need? He circled around that thought for a few
seconds and then said, “I don’t think so.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I
need many things, but ask for nothing.”
“What’s your name?”
she said.
“Goetz.”
“Do you have a first
name?”
“Just Goetz. What’s yours?”
“Samantha. Samantha Stone.” She held out her hand, a polite enough thing
to do for polite people, so Goetz shook her hand and quickly let go, finding
the contact unnerving. “Where do you live?”
She hoped he would say he lived in the nearby shelter.
“I live here.”
“In the park?”
“Yes.”
“What about in the
winter?”
“I don’t know
yet. Maybe I’ll move south and find a
warmer park.”
Samantha, ever
inquisitive, said, “So, you just became homeless?”
“I don’t know,” said
Goetz.
“You don’t
remember?”
“I remember many
things, but nothing about my current situation, including how I came to be
here, where here actually is and why I am here.
The rest of it is bits and pieces and somewhat unpleasant, if you must
know.”
“Why don’t you let
me get you something to eat? Maybe that
will help you remember,” she said.
“Maybe I don’t want
to remember.”
“I’m sure there are
many things you want to remember. Come
on. There is a pizza parlor right across
the street. You do like pizza don’t
you?”
“As much as I like
anything else, I suppose.”
Samantha gave Goetz
an expectant look and motioned for him to rise and follow her, which he did
somewhat reluctantly. He left the backpack
behind, figuring its owner would soon return to recover it.
“So, you don’t
remember coming to the park?” she said.
“Correct.”
“What do you
remember?”
“I remember my
father.”
“Oh. You know, I could take you to a doctor and
have you checked out. You can’t go around
without your memories.”
“Maybe I lost them
for a reason.”
“Like what?”
“Maybe because they
aren’t good memories.”
“You have to have
some good memories.”
“Maybe, but I don’t
know what they are.”
“What about your
childhood?”
“Those memories aren’t
good. At least, the ones I have aren’t
good.”
“Are you messing
with me?” she said.
“Absolutely
not. I never mess with anyone.” Goetz was sure that was true.
Samantha pointed to
the slice of pizza sitting in front of Goetz.
“You going to eat that or should I?”
Goetz picked up the
slice of pizza and took a small bite, returning the remainder to the greasy
paper plate it had been resting on. He
wondered how many calories this slice had within the crust, the sauce and
greasy cheese and wondered how long it would take to digest it and to expel
whatever part of it his body rejected.
“You don’t talk
much,” said Samantha.
Goetz did not
answer, having nothing to say about his silence.
“Do you at least
know what you do for a living?” she said.
“I am a physicist. I know that, but what I have done as a
physicist is completely beyond my grasp.
I don’t even know if I am a good physicist.”
“Are you a
professor?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you have any
friends?”
“Only the bee, the
butterfly, and Brutus, if you could call them friends.”
Goetz took another
bite of pizza, wondering how many more bites he would have to take before he
could toss it into the garbage.
“You know, you don’t
really seem all that homeless to me, Goetz.
I mean, I did find you sitting on a bench in the park, but that doesn’t
mean you’re homeless. Maybe you’ve just
forgotten where you live. Do you have a
wallet?”
“I don’t know,” said
Goetz, searching his pockets and finding a billfold tucked away. He opened it and looked inside, finding a
library card, a social security card, a movie ticket, and a guitar pick. “Nothing worth mentioning, except a library
card from some library in Tucson.”
“Well, that’s a
clue, now isn’t it?”
“All it really says
is that I’ve been in Tucson at one point or another.”
“Yes, but that
library would have your address, would it not?”
“Perhaps, but I have
no other form of identification, so I doubt they would give me that address,
now would they?”
“Maybe. But if we told them you lost your memories,
they might,” said Samantha.
Goetz realized this
strange woman was in some small way entering into his life, and that she would
probably continue to enter into it further if he did not do something to stop
her.
“You know, I think
I’m going to go back to the park now,” said Goetz.
“But, you haven’t
finished eating.”
“Yes, well, I guess I’m
not that hungry right now. However, I do
appreciate your gesture.” Goetz rose and
looked at Samantha, noting the look of disappointment on her face. He wondered if she felt like she had to unravel
the mystery that surrounded him in order to avoid unraveling whatever mystery
surrounded her, an all too likely possibility.
Perhaps she felt lonely. Perhaps her
husband had abandoned her or her children had died of unknown causes. There were other possibilities, of course,
but Goetz didn’t have the time or patience to consider them all. He took a step toward the door and then
another step.
“At least let me
give you some money,” said Samantha behind him.
Goetz turned to her
and said, “That is totally unnecessary, but I appreciate your concern. I’ll see you around perhaps.” With that, he exited the pizza parlor, gave
Brutus, now tied to a post outside, a loving pat, and returned to the park, to
the same bench he had been sitting on before Samantha entered his life for the
first of what he assumed would be many times.
Back on his bench,
Goetz contemplated the meaning of life, or at least of a life he little
remembered. He wondered how it could be
that he would find himself sitting alone on a park bench, completely unaware of
anything other than his parents, a bee, a butterfly and a dog he called
Brutus…and now Samantha, a strange breed of troubled woman that appeared to
have no small amount of interest in his well being, a rather uncomfortable fact
for reasons that escaped Goetz.
Goetz scanned the
horizon for signs of the bee or the butterfly, thinking it would be best for
everyone involved if he turned his attention to the smaller things in life,
like breathing and blinking, and counting without thinking. He counted to thirty-seven, an appropriate
number, and then counted back, his gaze shifting left and right for signs of
his insect friends.
Brutus appeared by
his side, a sure sign that Samantha would soon follow, and Goetz sighed,
brushed his hair to the side and waited, wondering how many seconds would pass
before he would hear Samantha’s soft voice.
He counted out twenty-nine seconds.
“You know, you
should stay with me,” said Samantha, coming around from behind. “At least stay with me until you figure out
what is going on with your memory.”
“I don’t think that
is the best solution to this problem,” said Goetz.
“Why not?”
“You have a
life. I would be intruding and you would
come to resent me, I’m sure.”
“Nonsense. Look, I live alone and there is plenty of
room for you and it will only be until you figure out what is going on in that
head of yours.”
“I believe there is
a reason, a good reason, for my amnesia, and I further believe that had I all
my memories, I would refuse your offer.
My gut, what little of it there is, tells me I should just stay in the
park for the duration of my senility and figure things out on my own.”
“What if you’re
wrong?”
“Then I’m
wrong. Anyway, I like the fresh air and
the bee and the butterfly. I am in good
company and hardly see why I should move in with you in order to figure things
out. Truly, I appreciate the gesture,
but it is completely unnecessary.”
“Have it your way,
Goetz, but I am going to be here every day to make sure you are okay.”
“I would expect
nothing less of you, dear woman.” Goetz
gave Brutus a pat on the head and the dog turned and licked his hand.
“He’s not like that
with everyone, you know,” said Samantha.
“Why on earth not?”
“He doesn’t like
men.”
“Well, he seems to
like me, so I guess you’re not entirely correct about that.”
“You know what I
think?”
“Please tell me.”
“I think you’re
running away from something.”
“Whatever would give
you that impression?”
“Just a hunch. I think you’ve tricked yourself into
forgetting things so you don’t have to face something.”
“Well, I’m facing
quite enough as it stands. My memories
of my father alone are enough to drive anyone mad.”
“What was he like?”
“A complex number,
indefinable, inaccessible, indifferent to his surroundings. I loved him in the most irrational way
possible and got nothing in return, but there you have the essence of love,
don’t you?”
“Did he abuse you?”
“He neglected my
mother and me, or so I think. It could all just be a trick of the mind, you
know. I could have manufactured these
memories when I lost my real memories, or I could have misperceived things due
to some mental impairment. Anything is
possible.”
“Do you miss him?”
“I’ve missed him for
twenty-five years, but he is dead now, killed by his much younger second wife
in Brazil.”
“Why did she kill
him?”
“His indifference to
her, I suppose. But then, how would I
know? The man was a mystery to me and to
my mother as well.”
“Where is your
mother?”
“Dead.”
“Do you have
brothers or sisters?”
“I am, I think, an
only child. At least, I have no
recollection of any brothers or sisters, though I do remember having cousins,
long gone from my life.”
“Aunts or uncles?”
“Well, I have to
have at least one aunt and uncle, don’t I if I have cousins?”
“But do you know who
they are?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Are you married?”
Goetz looked at his
bare ring finger and said, “Unlikely,” but he knew that was false. He could see the mark that a recently worn
wedding band had left on his finger.
“Do you remember
having girlfriends or anything like that?”
“You know, I
remember a girl. I think her name was
Rachael. That is all I remember.”
“Please let me take
you to a doctor, Goetz.”
“I’d rather be
stranded for all eternity in the chaos of confusion than go to a doctor to be
poked and prodded.”
“Tell you what. Come with me to my place and we can call the
library in Tucson and see about finding your address. You don’t have to stay the night.”
“I see you are going
to give me no peace until I accept your offer, so your offer I will accept. But I stand firm when I say I will not stay
the night at your home. Clear?”
“Yes.”
The librarian had
been able to give Samantha Goetz’s address.
He lived or had lived on East Don Jose Drive, in the northern end of
Tucson. Further, the librarian informed
Samantha Goetz had checked out a total of thirty-seven books between April
first, two thousand eleven and May thirteenth, two thousand fifteen.
“So, there you have
it. I was in Tucson less than a month
ago,” said Goetz. “Perhaps we should get
back to the park.”
“Don’t you think we
should look up property records?” said Samantha.
“For what purpose?”
“Well, maybe you own
the house in Tucson.”
“Maybe I’m the
Prince of Persia as well as a home owner.
Even if I do have own the house in Tucson, I left that house for a
reason and I came here for a reason, so what is the purpose in determining
whether or not I own that house?”
“What if you lived
with someone there?”
Goetz, feeling
somewhat annoyed and set upon, grunted and said, “Fine. Have a look,” really wanting to say something
along the lines of “Who the hell cares?”
Samantha opened a
browser on her computer and searched for property records, finding a home owned
by Goetz, a home that had the address listed in the library’s records. She showed Goetz the record, noting that it
must be a nice house if it cost over a million dollars, to which Goetz said, “I
was probably in debt up to my eyeballs and wanted to escape that debt.”
Not to be deterred,
Samantha ran a number of searches for Nathanial Goetz through Google and
finally came up with something she thought interesting.
“I think you’re an
astrophysicist, Goetz. It says here you
were a professor at The University of Arizona and that you worked at the
Steward Observatory up until two thousand fourteen. Maybe we should contact the university and
see what they can tell us.”
“I hardly think
that’s necessary. They probably fired me
for gross incompetence. Why don’t we go
back to the park?”
“Why are you so hell
bent on not remembering?”
“Just a hunch,
really. You know, sometimes it’s best to
leave the past behind and start fresh.
Anyway, don’t you think it is the least bit suspicious that a
thirty-seven year old professor would make enough money to buy a million dollar
home? What if I was peddling drugs or
engaged in some other sort of nefarious activities? Why would I want to remember that? At least now I can plausibly deny any
wrongdoing. Further, revealing myself to
the university and possibly the authorities might be a terminally stupid idea.”
“Well, I could call
and inquire without saying I’ve seen you.”
Goetz knew he would
not win this debate so said simply, “Do as you will.”
Samantha found the
number for the physics department at The University of Arizona and dialed the
number. She spoke with someone for well
over a half hour before hanging up.
“Well?” said Goetz.
“They say you
disappeared. They don’t think you had
any family although they weren’t sure about that. The woman said you kept to yourself for the
most part and that you were considered one of the best researchers in the
department. She admitted she had a crush on you.”
“Wonderful. So, we have learned almost nothing and I will
say this, any further investigation is going to yield almost nothing. I am now convinced that I have set out to
lose the past and to make the past lose me.”
“We could search for
marriage and divorce records, you know.”
“I swear you are the
most persistent person I’ve ever met.
What is the point of all of this?
What is so important about me figuring out who I am? I have no desire to do that or much of
anything else for that matter. I’d be
perfectly happy sitting on my bench in the park, communing with the trees, the
butterflies and the bees…and Brutus as well, if you must know.”
“I just think it’s
sad that you don’t know.”
“How can it be sad
if I’m perfectly happy?”
“But, you’re not
happy. I can tell.”
Goetz paused before
speaking because he wasn’t sure how to respond, because he realized that
perhaps he was not as happy as he would like to think, because perhaps life had
gone to shit and all hope had been lost.
He cleared his throat and said, “There might be something to what you
are saying, but I do not think I am prepared to find out exactly who I am, why
I am not happy, where I belong, or anything else that relates to my current
state. You have been generous and kind,
but I think it would be best if I returned to the park.”
Goetz slept on the
bench in the park that night, cold and miserable, miserable because he would
have preferred to sleep in a house occupied by the woman that had shown such
interest in him. He would have preferred
to not be alone, and to wake up in the morning, starting the day with a warm
breakfast and maybe some tea. But, he
slept in the park instead, waking up with a sore back and a police officer
standing beside him.
“Look, there is a
shelter down the street and they can take another person right now. Anyway, you can’t sleep in the park,” said
the young officer.
“Duly noted,” said Goetz,
sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
“Do you have any
identification?”
“I have a library
card, but it’s from Tucson.”
“Relatives nearby?”
“None that I know
of.”
“Are you okay?”
“I thought I was
before, but I’m not so sure now.”
“Go to the shelter
today and take a shower. They’ll take
care of you.”
“Of course they
will,” said Goetz, thinking how nice it would be to be taken care of, but not
by the employees of a homeless shelter.
The desires of normals, as Goetz referred to most people, flooded
through him and he found himself stranded in a sea of regret, but what he
regretted he did not know.
“Stay out of
trouble,” said the officer, now walking back to his cruiser in the parking lot
beside Goetz’s bench. Goetz realized he
would have to find other accommodations, but wasn’t sure where to go. A map might help. Perhaps there would be a bigger park nearby
where he could rest without being disturbed.
However, leaving this park behind would mean leaving Samantha behind,
and he was not yet prepared to do that.
Perhaps he could find a place in the bushes in this park where he could
rest at night, thus eliminating the need to walk long distances between two
parks. Goetz looked around the park and
found just what he was looking for, a group of bushes with a small patch of
bare ground underneath. Rather than
investigating further, he stayed on the bench and counted to thirty-seven, then
counted back down from that. Following
that, he recited the first hundred decimal places of pi and explored the Golden
Ratio for thirty-seven minutes, thirty-seven seconds. An investigation of Planck’s constant
followed and then an exploration of e.
Some time around ten
AM Brutus appeared along with Samantha. Samantha
sat beside Goetz, and for a while said nothing.
Goetz responded in kind, his mind traveling through space and time to
distant galaxies, floating through great clouds of dust into realms where stars
were born. He witnessed supernovae exploding
and black holes devouring doomed celestial objects.
“Did you sleep
well?” said Samantha.
“Oh, it was
wonderful, as my back can attest. You?”
“I was up all night
thinking about you.”
“Why bother? I’m perfectly fine.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Well, we’ve already
discussed this and I think it is best if we just leave things be. Anyway, I’m perfectly capable of dealing with
this situation, whatever it might be.”
Samantha switched
gears, perhaps trying to buy time or to draw Goetz in. “You know, Goetz, if you took a shower and
shaved, you’d be a pretty attractive guy.”
This stumped
Goetz. He had no memories of anyone ever
remarking on his appearance, for good or ill.
He scratched his beard and wondered what he looked like, having no
memory of that at all. He thought it might
be interesting to clean up a little and see what he might in a mirror. However, that would likely require a trip to
Samantha’s home to clean up. Even then,
he would be wearing the same clothes, now relatively filthy. He imagined Samantha would soon offer to take
him to purchase new clothes as well as the razor and other necessities and
suddenly felt a pang of guilt for drawing this fine woman into his life. Perhaps if he had represented himself
differently none of this would have happened.
But, then, perhaps, he represented himself the way he did purposefully,
an interesting and unpleasant thought.
“You should come
back to my place and shower at least.
You look pretty ragged right now.
I could wash your clothes you know.”
“What would I wear
while you wash them?” said Goetz, thinking things were going in the entirely
wrong direction.
“My ex left a bunch
of clothes behind. You’re about his
size.”
“I see.”
“Come on. After that I’ll make you lunch.”
“I fail to
understand why you care so much about my well being. I’m just a man, and probably a bad man at
that. No good can come of this, I assure
you.”
“I can tell you’re a
good man, Goetz. I have good
intuition. So, will you come with me?”
“I think you’ve left
me little choice in the matter, don’t you?”
Samantha laughed,
“You have a funny way of expressing yourself, Goetz. I like it.”
“Well, it’s the only
way I know how to express myself.
Anyway, I’ll tag along. I’m sure
this is all just some strange experiment, a pet project or something like that.”
“You know, you
should be less cynical. Sometimes people
really just want to help, no strings attached.”
Perhaps she was
right. Charity for the sake of charity
seemed noble and pure. Who was he to
refuse such an offer? Of course, the
moment she made any serious demands of him, he would cut the cord clean in two,
the cord that now held them together as one, as distressing a thought as being
alone.
After spending an
hour in the bathroom, Goetz emerged, presented himself to Samantha, and seeing
the look on her face he experienced something he had no memory of experiencing
before. In that moment, he looked at
Samantha as if for the first time, suddenly understanding her form and her
beauty, made all the more remarkable by the clear signs of attraction on her
face. Goetz and Samantha stared at each
other for what seemed like an eternity before Samantha broke the silence.
“Well, you clean up
nicely, don’t you?”
“You know, I had no
memory of what I looked like. I didn’t
know who I was looking at in the mirror.
How odd?”
“The clothes fit
you.”
Goetz examined his
new khakis and his pink button-down shirt, a color he would not have chosen for
himself, but one that somehow fit his mood.
“You’re taller than
Ralf though, so the pants are a bit short.
We’ll have to go out and buy you some pants that fit.”
“Not necessary. These are perfect,” said Goetz, meaning every
word, unable to comprehend why the pants needed to be any longer than they
were.
“Goetz, are you
Jewish?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Do you eat ham? I made you a ham sandwich.”
“Of course I eat
ham,” said Goetz. Of course, Goetz
didn’t eat ham, but he wasn’t about to admit it. He didn’t eat ham because of the taste, not
because of any sort of religious observance.
Samantha brought
Goetz into the kitchen, where he sat at the counter on a high stool. She had prepared a ham sandwich and had filled
one bowl with sliced pickles, which Goetz truly liked, and another with chips
of some sort, which weren’t the least bit appealing to Goetz.
Not wanting to be
rude, Goetz ate the food, finding the taste of ham somewhat less than
unpleasant, perhaps because that ham had been served by a rather pleasant and
striking woman whom Goetz found himself overwhelmingly attracted to, hoping
beyond all hope that she might find him attractive too. The world of things wholly unremarkable and
uninteresting, utterly pointless and meaningless had somehow created someone
that could hold Goetz’s interest, perhaps for all eternity. He chided himself for assuming he had any
hope of creating a union with this creature, but accepted the fact that he
could not avoid desire. It was best to
just enjoy the moment and maybe count to thirty-seven once or twice.
“Goetz, I did a little research while you were
in the shower,” said Samantha.
“Really. Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Stop. Look, you were married. You got a divorce in May. Her name was Rachael Weisz. You were married May thirteenth, two thousand
ten. I don’t think you have any
children. You divorced her on May
thirteenth, two thousand fifteen. I
think we should find her.”
“No.”
“She could help you
remember, Goetz.”
“I’m sure she wants
nothing to do with me, and anyway, I have a very strong feeling that I don’t
want to remember anything.”
“So, what are you
going to do? Are you going to live in
parks the rest of your life, talking to butterflies and bees?”
“I’ll talk to you
and Brutus as well. I don’t want to
remember anything. I don’t want to
remember my family or friends or colleagues.
Nothing.”
“I swear you are the
most stubborn man I’ve ever met, Nathanial Goetz, and I’m not going to sit here
and let you waste the rest of your life, homeless and alone. You might not know it, but you have things
you want to remember. You had a life,
and from what I can tell a good life.
You might have some bad memories, but that doesn’t mean they are all
bad. In fact, the odds that all of your
memories are bad are remarkably low. So,
I’m going to keep digging.”
“Well, do me a favor
and don’t tell me what you find.”
“Fine, but I know
you are going to ask eventually. I know
you’ll come around.”
Goetz looked around
the kitchen and saw a napkin on the far counter. He considered asking Samantha for the napkin,
but decided it would be best to just get it himself. He raised his hand from the counter, and with
a thought, brought the napkin to his hand, wiped his mouth and placed the
napkin in front of him on the counter.
Samantha’s jaw
dropped.
“What?” said Goetz.
“How did you do
that?”
“Do what?”
“How did you make
that napkin appear in your hand?”
“You know, I’m not
entirely sure. But, I know it wanted to
be in my hand.”
Samantha looked
around the kitchen, spotted a salt shaker and said, “Why don’t you do the same
thing with the salt shaker over there?”
Goetz held out his
hand. The salt shaker appeared in his
hand.
“How did you do
that?”
“I don’t know. Can’t
you do that?”
“Uh, no. What else can you do?”
“How should I
know? I’ve lost all my memories.”
“It’s a magic trick, isn’t it?” she said.
“It didn’t feel all
that magical. Anyway, the salt shaker
wanted to be in my hand as well.”
“What about that
towel?” said Samantha, pointing to a towel ten feet from Goetz.
The towel appeared
in Goetz’s hand.
“Who are you?” said
Samantha.
“If I knew that I’d
know a lot of things, but I don’t know much of anything, now do I?”
“Goetz, you have to
get your memories back. You can’t ignore
this. Please let me call Rachael.”
Goetz sighed,
resigned to the fact that Samantha would never give up, and said, “Do as you
will.”
“But, first, can you
get me the TV remote from the family room?” said Samantha, smiling.
“Happy to see I can
be a source of amusement for you,” said Goetz.
The remote appeared in his hand.
“And a million
dollars from a bank?” she said.
“That would be
stealing, and I am not a thief.”
“Just checking, but
it would be nice to have a million dollars, wouldn’t it?”
“It would be
glorious, but it is totally unnecessary.”
Samantha retrieved
her computer and placed it on the counter, then ran searches for Rachael.
“I think she lives
in Tucson,” said Samantha. “I think I’ve
found her. Should I call?”
“You’re going to do
what you want anyway, so why not?”
“What should I tell
her?”
“Tell her I’m dead.”
“No, really?”
“Yes.”
Samantha picked up
the phone and dialed the number. Goetz
wondered what would come of this, expecting the worst, praying that he wouldn’t
learn anything disturbing about himself.
“Yes, hello,” said
Samantha. “Is this Rachael Weisz?” Samantha paused. “Were you married to Nathanial Goetz?” “I see.
I’m trying to find out some things about him. My name is Sam, by the way. I knew Goetz.” “Really?”
“Really?” “Oh, I see. Well, he died yesterday.” “I am not lying.” “How is that possible?” “Oh, really.”
“Yes, he’s here with me.” “I
see.” “That’s amazing.” “Are you sure about that? Twenty-eight days?” “Oh.”
“He what?” “How is that
possible?” “I understand.” “Of course.”
“It might have already happened.”
“I know.” “I don’t think I
understand that.” “No.” “No. Well,
I came close, but it didn’t happen.” “Thank
you, Rachael. Goodbye.” Samantha put down the phone.
“Well?” said Goetz.
“She wants me to
tell you she hopes you are okay. She
said she’ll mail you your things if you want them.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, you don’t
want me to tell you anything, so yes, that’s it.”
Goetz stayed silent
for a while, debating things, wondering if he wanted to know anything. Clearly, this Rachael didn’t hold anything
against him, which was promising. But,
did he really want to know what she said?
“Tell you what. Just tell me one thing you learned from her.”
Samantha paused,
then said, “You can’t die.”
“Can’t as in I’m not
capable of dying?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Well, she must be high or something. No wonder I divorced her. Can’t be married to a drug addict. Can’t die.
Craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Can I tell you one
other thing, Goetz?”
“Why?”
“It’s important.”
“In that case,
absolutely not.”
“Rachael mentioned something about money. She says you have a bank account.”
“I told you not to
tell me anything.”
“Well, you need
money, Goetz, and you happen to have a lot of money.”
“How much?”
“Thirty-seven
million dollars.”
“Well, I don’t need
it. You know, we should return to the
park.”
“Okay, Nate.”
“My mother used to
call me that.”
“Well, it’s your
name. I like it much better than Goetz.”
“Call me whatever
you like. I’m still just Goetz. Now, are we going to the park? I think Brutus would appreciate it. I know I would.”
Samantha, Goetz and
Brutus returned to the park and Samantha and Goetz sat on his bench, minds
wandering each for different reasons.
Samantha tried to comprehend what Rachael told her, almost refusing to
believe it. Goetz counted to
thirty-seven thirty-seven times then calculated the square root of pi.
“Please let me tell
you what she said,” said Samantha, breaking the silence.
“Absolutely
not. I don’t want to know. I already know too much and I don’t like what
I know. Do you think I want to reflect
on a marriage that went sour.”
“It didn’t go sour,
Nate.”
“Well, do you think
I want to reflect on a marriage that ended in divorce?”
“You were happy.”
“I don’t want to
know that.”
“But, you were.”
“Well, I couldn’t
have been that happy if I divorced my wife.”
“You did it for a
good reason.”
“She probably
cheated on me with a younger man. In
fact, I’m sure of it.”
“I’ll tell you why
if you want.”
“No. Let’s just forget about it. I wonder where the bee is? Maybe it will sting me this time and this
will all be over.”
“Nate.”
“Yes.”
“I know this is
completely unreasonable and insane, but I’m in love with you. Rachael told me this would happen and it
did.”
Goetz softened at
hearing his, feeling something stirring within, and considered the chemical
interactions that were driving this woman to claim she loved someone as…what
was it…someone as pointless as him. A
wave of regret passed over him and he took Samantha’s hand in his and squeezed
it, thinking it would probably be best if he accepted her into his life,
thinking things happened for reasons that would never make sense and that this
utterly senseless moment would soon pass and he would find himself alone and
content on the park bench, the memory of this beautiful woman lingering in his
mind for all eternity.
“Did you love her?”
said Samantha.
“I’m sure I did.”
“Move in with me.”
“Why?”
“I want to help
you.”
“What if I told you
I don’t love you?”
“But you do. I’ve seen it on your face and felt it when
you took my hand. Am I right?”
“You’ve known me
twenty-seven hours, three minutes and thirty-seven seconds. And anyway, I have less than twenty-eight
days to live.”
“I know. Rachael told me you’re leaving.”
“Yes, well, don’t
you think falling in love with someone who is going to leave will only lead to
misery? Why not cut the cord right now
and get on with your life?”
“Because I want to
be with you until the end, until you take your last breath and move on.”
“How romantic. You know, I’m not really that interesting or
desirable. You’ll probably be bored out
of your mind.”
“You’re anything but
boring, Nate.”
“You know, I’ve thought
about it. I’d prefer you call me Goetz.”
“Of course, Nate.”
“Such a difficult
woman. Is that why your ex left you?”
“No. I left him.
We never really connected. Not
like this anyway.”
“And what sort of
connection do you think we have?”
“Hard to define, but
I know we have it.”
“And did Rachael and
I had it?”
“Yes. You’ve had it with all the women you’ve been
with.”
“How many is that?”
“Rachael said
four. I guess I’m the fifth.”
“Nice prime
number. I love prime numbers.”
“So, will you move
in with me?”
“What choice do I
have? I mean, I could disappear entirely
if I wanted to, but I don’t want to hurt you.
So, I guess you have your answer.”
Samantha grabbed
Goetz’s head and kissed him. He saw
tears coming down her cheeks and wondered what it would be like to cry, whether
in pain or in joy, to be overwhelmed by the uncertainty of love.
“Where is Brutus?”
said Goetz.
“Oh, he’s fine. He likes to wander.”
Goetz got up and
looked around the park, sensing something was wrong. He raised his hand and brought Brutus back,
finding a dead dog in front of him.
“Oh my God,” cried
Samantha.
“God has nothing to
do with it, I assure you,” said Goetz, kneeling down. He placed a hand on Brutus, thinking he might
be able to do something to bring the poor creature back from a death it clearly
had not been prepared to die.
Goetz felt energy in
Brutus’ lifeless body. Patterns emerged
in Goetz’s mind, pieces to a puzzle, the puzzle of life. Brutus’ pieces, fragmented and scattered,
drifted through his mind, chaotic and resistant to reassembling
themselves. Goetz thought about piecing
them back together and through force of will brought Brutus back. The lifeless dog stirred, stood and licked
Samantha’s face, whining. Goetz sat on
the bench, suddenly exhausted. Samantha
comforted Brutus, crying uncontrollably.
Goetz placed his hand on Samantha’s shoulder, thinking this would be a
good time to cry, so he let the tears fall and in that moment, found a part of
himself that had been hidden, a piece that fit neatly with the few others that
had been brought together, perhaps a part of his soul.
“You need to know who you are,” said Samantha,
sitting beside Goetz on her family room couch, Brutus sitting on Goetz’s lap.
“I think we both
know I’m some sort of aberration.”
“You’re not. You’re something beautiful and pure, Goetz.”
“Strong words, but
highly unlikely. I am just someone who
can, apparently, bring creatures back to life.
Perhaps that is unique, but I hardly see how that makes me beautiful and
pure, as you put it.”
“So, you’re not
going to let me tell you?”
“I’ll figure it out
on my own I think, and when I do, I’ll tell you. Anyway, I seriously doubt you or Rachael or
anyone else really knows who or what I am.”
“You told Rachael.”
“Well, I probably
lied. I’m sure I do that from time to
time. Anyway, let’s not dwell on it.”
“I want to tell you
something else,” said Samantha.
“No. I don’t want to know anything else.”
“Not that, dummy.”
“What then?”
“I want to make love
with you.”
“Oh. Now?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I don’t know
if I know how to do that.”
“I’ll show you how.”
“What if I have a
venereal disease of some sort? Who knows
what kind of mischief I’ve been up to?
How do you know I don’t have a proclivity for cheap hookers and dirty
syringes? I mean, I could have done any
number of risky things.”
“Right, Nate. Are you going to go to the bedroom with me or
not?”
“I guess so, but if
you get a disease, it’s not my fault.”
Goetz lay beside
Samantha, holding her hand, enjoying the aftermath of a journey that must have put
so many long forgotten others to shame. He
had done this before, hadn’t he? He must
have.
Numbers floated
through Goetz’s mind, finally resting on seven hundred, thirty-seven. Goetz speculated this was the number of times
he had sex in his life, a surprising number, but not a prime number. Goetz figured he should make love to Samantha
two more times to bring that number up to seven hundred, thirty-nine, a
wonderful prime number. Of course, he
would want to go even higher than that, given that the experience had been so
completely satisfying, so counted through the numbers looking for a more
appropriate prime to land on, settling on seven hundred, fifty-one, but even
that might have been too low. He
imagined he would want to do this wonderful thing at least once a day for the
next twenty-seven days, so settled on seven hundred, sixty-nine, thinking that
would be an excellent stopping point for any horizontal activities. Of course, that meant he would have to make
love with Samantha twice on five days.
Thinking this was an excellent opportunity to ensure that he reached his
target number, Goetz said, “Do you want
to give it another go?”
Goetz and Samantha
returned to the park to allow Brutus a chance to run around, although Brutus
chose to sit beside Goetz rather than run around doing dog-like things. Finally, Goetz got up and ran into the park
in an attempt to get the dog to have a little fun, figuring no dog really
wanted to just sit beside some strange man when there were plenty of adventures
to be had nearby.
They played in the
park for an hour and then walked down the street to a nearby restaurant where
Goetz, Samantha and Brutus sat outside, enjoying the sunny day and the sounds
of people talking at nearby tables.
“So, you don’t like
pizza,” said Samantha.
“No.”
“What do you like?”
“You.”
“Funny. Do you like ham?”
“No,” said Goetz,
taking a bite of his salad.
“You could have told
me.”
“I didn’t want to
appear ungrateful.”
“What else haven’t
you told me?”
“Almost everything,
I think. Of course, if I remember
anything I’ll be sure to tell you. You
are my fiancé after all.”
Samantha smiled uncertainly. “Is that your idea of a proposal?”
“I suppose it
is. Would you marry me?”
“You know, you’ll
probably just divorce me like all your other wives.”
“I thought I was
only married once.”
“Maybe you were,
maybe you weren’t. You’ll never know
because you told me not to tell you anything.”
“You’ve already told
me enough.”
“So, when should we
get married?”
“Today.”
“Really? How can we do that if you don’t have any
identification?”
“Good point. We should get me some identification and then
get married.”
“So, the minute you
get identification we’re going to get married?”
“I don’t see why we
should waste any time planning a big wedding.
I mean, I don’t have any friends to invite and you don’t seem to require
such an affair, or do you?”
“No, I don’t. You know, I’ve never been married.”
“Were you a virgin
before we…”
“Funny. Anyway, I’m not going to tell you.”
“We’ll need to get
you a proper ring, of course. I guess
that means I’ll need my money, or at least some of it.”
“Yes, well, about
that. I called Rachael while you were
sleeping. She is overnighting your
drivers license, your credit cards and your check book as well as some note she
said you might want to read.”
“You’re a really
busy lady, aren’t you? Busy, busy, busy. I suppose you also had Rachael describe our
relationship in great detail.”
“I did.”
“And?”
“I’m not going to
tell you.”
“Well, it’s much
better that way, isn’t it?”
“You are such a
character, Nate. You make my head spin.”
“Well, hopefully not
a full three hundred sixty degrees.”
“More like seven
hundred, twenty degrees.”
“Physically
impossible unless you’re a Bladrithian.”
“Rachael said you
play guitar. She said you collected
guitars. Offered to have them shipped to
you, but thought you would refuse.”
“Well, maybe I’ll
pick one up somewhere and do my best to play for you. Can I sing?”
“Yes.”
“Wonderful. Maybe I’ll sing you a dirge.”
“She also said you
can alter time.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. That’s all she said.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you
were lying to me,” said Goetz.
“Why would I lie?”
“To trick me into
loving you.”
“But you already
love me.”
“A technicality, I
assure you. I suppose the next thing you
are going to tell me is that I can fly like Peter Pan.”
“I could tell you
that if I wasn’t supposed to tell you, so I won’t tell you that.”
“A perfect lie.”
“Why don’t you try
to fly like Peter Pan?”
“What? You want me to startle all these fine people
with what would undoubtedly been seen as an act of witchcraft? I think not.
If I’m going to fly it will be in the comfort of your home.”
“Our home.”
“Whatever. Are you going to eat those fries?”
After flying for a
few minutes, thus proving himself wrong, Goetz said, “So what can’t I do?”
“You can’t die.”
“But, I’m going to
die.”
“No, you’re
not. You’re just going to leave.”
“Leave for where?”
“You don’t want me
to tell you.”
“Fine. But, I’ll bet I can’t teleport places at
will.”
Samantha started
humming a strange tune, a tune Goetz didn’t recognize.
“Can I?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you try?”
Goetz appeared in
Times Square, surrounded by thousands of people, and then returned home. “You know, if this is some practical
joke. I mean, if you are God or
something and are having a little fun with me, I think you should look
elsewhere for entertainment.”
“I’m not God.”
“Then what are you?”
“A woman. Would you like me to prove that to you?” said
Samantha, unbuttoning her blouse.
“Well, if you put it
that way. Here or in the bedroom?”
“Both.”
“Fine, but I know
you are playing with me.”
“Only a little.”
“So, can I read people’s minds?” said Goetz,
trying to adjust to a new state of confusion.
“I don’t know. Can you?”
“Let me guess,
marshmallows.”
“Exactly. Now, do you believe me??
“I think you’re an
evil spirit sent to turn me into a schizophrenic.”
“Maybe you were
already a schizophrenic before I met you.”
“Maybe. What else can I do?”
“You can make me
feel pleasure.”
“Yes, we’ve seen
that. But, I guarantee you I will also
make you feel pain before it’s all over.”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t mind
that?”
“No.”
“Who are you?”
“Sam.”
“That’s a boy’s
name.”
“It’s better than
Goetz.”
“I like my name.”
“Sure you do, Nate.”
“You know, I don’t
think I pleased you enough last time. Do
you want to give it another go?”
Rachael’s package
arrived the next morning. Samantha
unpacked the small box and placed everything on the coffee table in front of
Goetz, a driver’s license, some credit cards, a checkbook, and a sealed
envelope with “Geotz” written on it in block letters.
“Are you going to
open it?” said Samantha.
“No. Let’s go get your ring.”
“Aren’t you even a
little curious?”
“Yes, but I’m not
going to open it. If you want to read
it, feel free, but don’t tell me what it says.”
Goetz looked at
Samantha, doubt on his face. He wanted
to read the note, but knew doing so would unlock feelings he didn’t want. He counted up, reaching fifty-nine before
Samantha spoke.
“Nate?”
Goetz lurched
forward and fell, slamming his head on the edge of the coffee table.
For Goetz, blacking
out seemed no different than blinking, a momentary break from reality that was,
perhaps, needed for all things to continue without any technical issues. For Samantha, it was a grim reminder that
Goetz was moving beyond, as Rachael said he would.
“You okay, Nate?”
said Samantha.
Goetz looked around,
felt a small amount of pain on his forehead, and a slight amount of dizziness, and
said, “What’s that? You’re telling me
time is not constant and Planck space is an illusion? I have to say, I agree.”
“Are you okay?” said
Samantha, taking Goetz’s hand in hers.
“Why did you bring
me back? Wasn’t it the right time? Who are you?” said Goetz.
Samantha,
remembering Rachael’s advice, kissed Goetz.
“Why am I on the
floor?” said Goetz, wondering why he was on the floor and why anyone would try
to tell him that time was moving at a constant rate, an absolutely absurd
notion. He knew he had blacked out, and
knew that when he blacked out, time had jumped forward, bringing him along with
it, never to worry about the two or so minutes where he had been lying on the
ground, perhaps breathing, perhaps not.
Whatever ever discontinuity he experienced, all memory had been wiped clean,
so that no time existed between the moment his head slammed against the edge of
the coffee table and the moment his eyes opened.
“You blacked out,”
said Samantha.
“You probably
drugged me. Admit it. I’m onto you now, you know,” said Goetz.
Samantha laughed and
helped Goetz get back on the couch.
“Did you take
advantage of me?” said Goetz. “I mean,
haven’t I given you enough pleasure? Do
you really need more?”
“Nate.”
“The name is Goetz.”
“Nate.”
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. Am I?”
“You look okay.”
“Maybe we should
make love to make sure I really am okay,” said Goetz.
“As you wish, my
dearest,” said Samantha.
“So what did you give me? Secanol?
Downers? Horse tranquilizers? You can tell me. I won’t turn you in to the authorities,” said
Goetz.
“Rachael said you
black out sometimes,” said Samantha.
“So, she was
drugging me too. No wonder I divorced
her.”
“No, Nate. Your body is starting to reject you.”
“What’s that? My body is doing this? What for?
Who is controlling my body? I
swear I’ll sue you if you are behind this.”
“Funny. Rachael said, your body is ultimately going
to reject you and send you packing.”
“Why would it do
that?”
“I don’t know. Anyway, you told Rachael it would happen.”
“So the two of you
are chums now, are you? Are you planning
to poison me and run away together? You
could do that, you know. I mean, if
that’s what you really want. I was
getting sick of living anyway.”
“Rachael also said
you get a little paranoid after you black out.”
“Well, you’d be
paranoid too if you had two women plotting to kill you, take all your money and
run away together,” said Goetz. “But,
it’s okay, really. I understand. I’m sure Rachael is a wonderful woman. I really hope you two will be happy together. So, do you want to give me the cyanide now or
later?”
“You have a funny
way of making me love you, Nate, but it works.
Anyway, nobody is trying to kill you.
You’re going through a process. It will be over in twenty-six days.”
“I see. Well, what if I don’t want it to be over?”
“I think it is going
to be over whether you want it to or not.”
“Oh. So, you and Rachael aren’t trying to kill
me?”
“No.”
“Okay. I guess we should go buy the ring and get
married,” said Goetz.
“By the power vested me, I pronounce you man
and wife,” said the man who Goetz thought might be an alien of some sort. Not wanting to cause a scene, Goetz said
nothing about the man’s genes or lack thereof, his planet of origin, his blue
eye and his yellow eye, and his peculiar pronunciation of the word “wife.”
“Are you going to
kiss me?” said Samantha.
Goetz leaned over
and kissed his bride, keeping an eye on the man who had pronounced them man and
wife, the very same man who probably had travelled at well over a thousand light-years
to reach Earth and preside over this small ceremony.
“So, we’re done
here?” said Goetz, wondering if the man would ask to eat their brains, a
reasonable enough request from an alien, or at least an alien of his type.
“You are now married,”
said the man.
“Great,” said
Goetz. “Let’s get out of here. I don’t think we’re safe.”
Samantha laughed and
took Goetz’s hand in hers.
The exited the
building and got into Samantha’s car.
“Where should we
go?” said Samantha?
“How about Antigua?”
said Goetz.
“Really?”
“Sure, why not. I’ll pay.”
“Do you think we can
get a flight or a place to stay?”
“I don’t know, but
let’s go anyway. Fewer aliens there, I’m
sure.”
They returned home
and Samantha went online to look into getting to Antigua, finally finding
something interesting.
“There is this place
called Jumby Bay. It’s a small island
off Antigua. Nice resort. They have rooms available,” said Samantha.
“What about the
sheep?” said Goetz, referring to the herd of sheep Samantha said roamed the
island.
“What about them?”
“Can we trust them?”
“I don’t see why
not. They are sheep.”
“Don’t be too
sure. The could be some sort of pan
dimensional entities looking to steal us away to their plane of existence while
we’re sleeping.”
“I doubt it. Are you being serious?”
“I think so. Anyway, it looks good. I think we should go. Do you want me to bring us there?”
“That’s fine, but let
me make the reservation and then we can pack.”
“Sure. You know, I don’t have anything to pack.”
“Well, there’s a swimsuit
in the closet that should fit and Ralf left some shorts and other things. I think there are some flip-flops too.”
“What would cause
Ralf to leave without taking such important things? Were you aiming a gun at him?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“You can’t lie to
me, you know. I’ll see right through
it. Did you threaten him or maybe kill
him?”
“No, he just never
came back to get the rest of his stuff and then he died in a car accident, thus
eliminating any need he might have for his stuff.”
“Well put, but I’ll
bet anything you cut his brake lines.”
Samantha made the
reservation for a week starting that night, using her credit card.
“I’ll pay for it
when we check out, of course. I know
you’re thinking I won’t, but I will. I’m
no weasel,” said Goetz.
“Let’s pack,” said
Samantha, smiling to herself, wondering if Goetz would make a landing any time
soon. He had become somewhat agitated
since blacking out, a little high strung and out there, at least compared to
his general out there self.
The most common way
to get to Jumby Bay Island was by ferry. Of course, one could swim to the small
island if so inclined, but nobody ever did.
That said, when Goetz, Samantha and two suitcases appeared on the beach,
about a hundred yards from the resort’s main building, a couple of people who
had happened to be looking at that particular spot on the beach, wondered if
they were hallucinating. Further, when
Olivia Banks, the guest relations manager, spotted Goetz and Samantha, she
wondered how the hell the two had gotten onto the island. So, she did what any normal person would
do. She asked.
“We teleported,”
said Goetz. “You should try it. Much more comfortable than airplanes, cars
and boats, I assure you.”
Olivia didn’t press;
figuring the strange man in front of her would not give a better answer. She checked Goetz and Samantha in and had
their luggage brought to their villa.
After giving the two a tour of the island, she brought them to one of
the restaurants on the island, as per their request.
“I think she was
going to feed us to the sheep,” said Goetz.
“Why do you think
that?”
“Did you see the
look in her eyes? Feral. We’re going to have to keep an eye on
her. She could be capable of anything.”
“Nate, you need to
relax. She isn’t going to feed us to the
sheep.”
“You sure about
that?”
“Positive. She’s just going to tell the sheep where they
can find us and they are going to take care of the rest.”
“See! Maybe we should go to Bermuda. No sheep there, I think.”
“I’m kidding, Nate.”
“Oh, of course. Okay, I’ll stop thinking about the sheep for
now, but don’t think for an instant I’m going to let them get close to us.”
“What do you want to
eat?” said Samantha.
“The lamb looks
good. Maybe a nice glass of wine and
some bread to go with it. If the sheep
see that they will know I mean business.”
Samantha laughed,
leaned over and kissed Goetz.
“You know, you are a
beautiful woman,” said Goetz. “Don’t
know what you see in me. I’m a
liability, an imposter. No good can come
of this.”
“Nate, I want to
have your child.”
“I’m not sure I can
get you pregnant,” said Goetz, his expression serious, the manic look on his
face a distant memory. “Why would you
want my child?”
“To remind me of you
when you are gone.”
“So, I am
leaving. I guess I knew that. You know, I don’t want to leave anymore, so
maybe I can change that.”
Samantha knew he
couldn’t change it, or believed Rachael was right about him not being able to
change it. “Well, I don’t want you to
leave either, but if you do I would like to have a child with you. You know, a little Goetz.”
“Let’s hope this
little Goetz isn’t all twisted around like I am. Anyway, we can get to work getting you
pregnant after lunch. Would you like to
do it on the beach or in the villa?”
“Why don’t we do it
in front of the sheep?”
“Don’t taunt me,
woman! You have no idea how dangerous
those beasts might be.”
